Responsibility

Photo by Caleb Oquendo on Pexels.com

I taught school for six years, meant to teach more, but life happened. When I taught fourth grade, one of my students was named John, and he was such a nervous kid, so intense, I worried about him. Kids move on at the end of each year, though, and I lost track of him. His mom, however, walked past our house a few times a week, going to the grocery store down the street. She was much older than most moms,, and I never heard why that was. All I know is that when John hit late high school, all of a sudden, he became paranoid.

I talked to his mom one day, and she told me that John had gone to a party, and she THINKS he drank something spiked with drugs and was never the same. I’m not sure if that’s true. Another young person we knew started hearing voices when she was in her late teens. A common occurrence with schizophrenia. That’s the age when it commonly hits. All I know is that when John’s mom left the house, he hid under her bed until she got back so that “they” couldn’t find him. If an airplane flew over the neighborhood, he hid in the closet. I don’t know what happened to John, but I know his mother spent every minute of her life worrying about him. “What will happen to him when I die?” she asked me.

I understood her dilemma. My cousin was born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, cutting off oxygen to her brain. She had cerebral palsy but got lucky. She’s a wonderful, funny person but the right side of her body is distorted, and she suffered lots of seizures when she was young. She still has a seizure occasionally, but with physical therapy, she can walk with a walker and do a lot of things no one thought she could. The doctors said she wouldn’t live to be sixteen, but she’s happy at sixty-eight. Still, my aunt and grandma–who raised her–worried about what would happen to her when they died.

In the new Karnie mystery I’m working on, the barber in Glendale–where Karnie lives–has a son who’s mentally challenged. He can function and lives separately from his father. He’s dependable and works hard, but his father worries about what will happen to him when he’s not there to care for him. It’s a real worry some parents have to face. Eddie, the barber, is hoping he’ll live long enough and save enough money to get his son in a good, supervised home of some sort when he’s not there to support him anymore.

My cousin’s now in a wonderful nursing home that offers lots of activities. She joins into all of them, is enjoying herself and her new friends. I go to visit her once a week, and she gave me a sheet of all the things she likes to do and told me the only time she has free for me is from 3:30 in the afternoons to 5:00 when she has supper. That’s their time to relax and visit with each other. She won’t miss Bingo in the dining room two evenings a week for anything. I love seeing her so happy. She tells me what snacks she misses, and I try to make them for her a couple of times a month, but she’s gained weight since she’s been there. She loves eating in the dining room with all of her friends, and the food there is wonderful. She wouldn’t need any snacks at all except that she can’t have milk and cheese, so can’t always eat the desserts they make.

We got lucky. My cousin has some of the best care you can find. Eddie, the barber in my story, hopes he gets lucky with his son, too. And since I’m writing his story, I can make that happen:) In fact, I hope it happens for every parent in that situation. But I also understand it’s a real concern. And those parents have my sympathy, so I wanted to include one in my story. I’m not sure I’d have ever thought about them if I hadn’t met a few.

7 thoughts on “Responsibility

  1. Our grandson just became a teen and he’s going through all of those voices and paranoia issues. Meds seem to be helping. I once wrote a barber into a story who has a special needs son. My brutal character, Clovis, went out of his way to use this particular barber and tipped him extremely well to help with the son.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HH’s mom had schizophrenic symptoms and as long as she took her meds did pretty well. It took a while to find the right balance, though. I wish your grandson the best. Hooray for Clovis. That’s such a nice touch, helping the barber. Special needs kids are wonderful, but they need more care.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My brother’s stepson has muscular dystrophy. He wasn’t supposed to live much past 16 but is now 33. I’ve mentioned fundraisers for MD in books but haven’t yet included a character with special needs. I love that you’re incorporating a character with a challenge into your work.

    And I’m happy to hear your cousin is doing so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Best wishes for your brother’s stepson. Sometimes, I think everyone does their best to avoid people with disabilities. I know people used to make fun of my aunt, who was deaf, and her daughter–my cousin–with cerebral palsy. But once you spend time with them, it makes a big difference. You see them as “people” instead of “conditions.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree; people can be cruel. Or careless. More often than not, they’re just awkward. I’ve always been around disabled people, so I guess I didn’t feel that way. My grandmother’s neighbor had a mentally disabled daughter, and we used to visit with her all the time. In elementary school, a classmate was wheelchair-bound and had many health issues. (He passed away before junior high.) My ex-husband’s grandfather became an amputee when we were in high school (maybe college). I used to work at a nursing home and many of the residents had disabilities. After that, when I did marketing for an engineering firm, I used to take materials to the Sunrise School, where kids with special needs helped with catalog assembly to learn a work ethic. (They were some of the sweetest kids I ever met.) Now we have my brother’s stepson in our lives, and unfortunately his step-grandson was born with it, too. While I’d never wish any disability on anyone, I think the world needs to make an effort to not insulate themselves from people with special needs. The more they become part of our everyday lives, the sooner everyone will know how to behave. Inclusivity is a critical component to harmony.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I look forward to meeting the barber and his son in your new Karnie, novel, Judi. I’ve known a few people and a few parents in the situations you mentioned.

    I’m so glad to hear your cousin is doing well and is happy.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s